My husband discusses our s3x life with his mother

Wisdom K.E Hammond 5 years ago

My husband discusses our sex life with his mother. How will you feel as a woman to find out this truth? If you are a man, what will push you to take such a decision without the consent of your wife? Read this intriguing story and doctors advise and find the truth before you pass any judgement.

Question: Hi! I am a 23-year-old woman and got married just after completing my post-graduation because of parental pressure. I had met my husband only twice before getting married and he belongs to a very conservative but well-to-do family.

We have been married for six months but we are yet to consummate the marriage. When we tried having sex for the first time, I was scared and found the process very painful.

As a result of which my husband had to withdraw. Thankfully, he seems like an understanding and kind person. And although we have tried multiple times since then, we haven’t been able to have penetrative sex.

However, one day something very shocking happened. His mother caught me alone and said she wanted to discuss something important.

She said told me that I should try to be more co-operative and then only we can have sex. She also gave me unsolicited advice on how to have sex and even gave me a tube of lubricant to use to ease the pain. I was really hurt to know that my husband discussed our sex life with his mother and that too in such details! When I asked him why he had done something like that he simply told me to shut up and try not to fill his ears against his mother.

I was shocked beyond words. A few days later, when he was in a good mood I requested him not to discuss our sex life with his mother. To which he replied that all his brothers do the same and some of his sisters-in-law too had experienced pain like me and it was my fault that I do not try to tolerate a little pain. I then told him that my idea of sex is not just physical and it’s more about my mental state.

With with mother, brothers and sisters-in-law interfering in our life, I can’t have a physical relationship. He got very angry and said that it’s the duty of a wife to keep her husband sexually satisfied and since I failed in doing so, he would give me a divorce. I am so depressed. The thought that he discusses our sex life with his mother keeps haunting me.

And then he doesn’t want to listen to what I have to say. I don’t know what to do. Seeking someone’s help is next to impossible because they are very conservative. Please help me, I am in dire straits. —By Anonymous

Response by Dr. Kedar Tilwe: Dear Reader, sexual pain disorders like dyspareunia which is a persistent pain experienced by the woman usually before or during intercourse is a common dysfunction, which at times can lead to fear and rejection of sexual intercourse and may also result in an unconsummated marriage.

This is a medical condition that can affect approximately one in five women during their lifetime and has clearly identified etiologies, diagnostic and treatment protocols. Management is usually dependent on the cause, and can sometimes include vaginal lubricating jelly to help reduce the vaginal dryness and improve the lubrication. Please don’t hesitate in seeking the help of your gynecologist, by yourself if need be, however, it should be done at the earliest, as it is a common problem, with treatment available easily.

Your discomfort, frustration, and hurt on learning of your husband’s lack of discretion is understandable. You also seem to have put in your best efforts to try and make him aware of your distress.

However sometimes, especially in conservative joint families, the personal space even between spouses is seldom respected, and undue pressure and interference is common.

You should continue in your efforts to try and make your husband understand the need for privacy between a husband and wife. Taking the help of a trusted confidant or an elder that you know he will listen to might help. You can also enlist the help of your gynecologist or a couple’s counselor to help him understand your point of view, and find a way forward together.