[Definitive Guide] How to Last Longer in Bed and Beat Premature Ejaculation for Good

If you’re anything like most men, you never received a real “sex education.”

Sure…

Your high school health teacher probably scared you into believing that one kiss would result in Herpes or AIDS…

…And you probably discovered plenty of positions and fantasies from frequent porn use as a young man.

But chances are, you never really learned about sex. You never learned how to be a passionate and satisfying lover…how to overcome performance anxiety and premature ejaculation…how to improve your sexual stamina…or how to last longer in bed.

 

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And as a result of the average man’s ignorance, our society is facing unprecedented (and largely unexpected) challenges in between the sheets.

According to a study conducted by the Department of Psychiatry and Neurosexology, Leyenburg HagaHospita, the average man lasts for roughly 5 minutes and 30-seconds with more than 25% of men lasting only 2 minutes (a).

And in response to the disappointing sexual performance offered by most men, women have started turning to “alternative means” of getting their needs met…with the sex toy industry growing by nearly 50% (from $20 billion to $30 billion) in the last five years and the frequency with which the average woman watches porn rapidly increasing–more than 30% of women admitting to watching porn at least once a week (b).

All of these studies point to a single inconvenient truth.

In the bedroom, men are failing to show up as the lovers our partners desire.

Men struggle today, more than ever before to satisfy their partners and create a passionate and vibrant sex life…and we can do better.

But it doesn’t have to be this way.

If you’re struggling to last longer in bed…if you’re plagued by frequent premature ejaculation…it’s not your fault.

 

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You were never taught how to be a conscientious and effective lover and have been an unwitting victim in a systematic (although largely unintentional) effort to physically and emotionally castrate the modern man.

So in this article, I’m going to teach you what you should have been taught a long time ago.

I’m going to teach you step-by-step how to last longer, beat performance anxiety and premature ejaculation and become a remarkable lover who makes their partners squeal with pleasure.

We’re going to take a deep dive into the specific mindsets, physical exercises, and specific sexual “protocols” to help you last longer in bed and improve your skills in the sheets.

By the time you’re done, you’ll have more sexual confidence (and stamina) than ever before and I promise…your partner(s) will thank you.

 

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(Note: This is a long guide, so be sure to bookmark this page and come back for future reference. And speaking of references, all of the studies and sources for the different statistics I cite can be found at the bottom of this page).

So without any further ado, let’s dive in…

I. How to Last Longer in Bed by Getting Your Mind Right

The first and most important way to become a better lover and last longer in bed is to fix your mindset and identify the “invisible scripts” that are sabotaging your performance and preventing you from showing up as the man you want to be.

More often than not, premature ejaculation and a lackluster sexual performance is a byproduct of psychology not physiology. And by taking action on the following five steps, you will experience a radical shift in the way you show up to your sexual encounters and unlock a level of confidence and performance you’ve never experienced before.

1. Understand What Women REALLY Want in a Lover (And Why Your Response to How Long You Last is Everything)

 

In my experience, most cases of premature ejaculation and lackluster sexual performance are rooted not in physical problems (barring obesity and low testosterone which we’ll address later), but anxiety and a fundamental misunderstanding of female sexuality.

To last longer in bed and become the type of lover (wet) dreams are made of, you must start by resolving the internal barriers to peak sexual performance and stamina.

And the most important barrier is your erroneous beliefs about what women actually want.

Over the past decade, I’ve interviewed dozens of sexual health experts and highly grounded women. And during the course of our discussion, I asked each of them about what they really want in a lover.

The answer was unequivocal:

“Women want a man who is confident, generous, and present in the bedroom.”

Most women don’t want to get fucked like a pornstar for hours on end every single time.

They want tension, connection, great foreplay, and at least one great orgasm.

 

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For most women, 15-20 minutes of actual penetration is more than enough (and for some women, it’s too much…prolonged sex can be painful for many women).

And when you accept this fact and realize that the true arbiter of your sexual performance is how you show up not how long you last in bed, you can release the internal pressure to be some mysterious “sex god” who can make women orgasm with his eyes alone and learn to enjoy the entire sexual experience on a deeper level.

You don’t need to be a master of tantra or last for hours to please a woman. You need to show up to the experience with presence, dominance, and generosity.

2. Eliminate the #1 Sexual Performance Killer from Your Life to Last Longer in Bed

In the past 20 years, psychologists and physicians have noticed a startling phenomenon.

Today, more than ever before in human history, young men (18-35) are reporting higher and higher incidences of erectile dysfunction and premature ejaculation (c).

Men who should be in their sexual prime.

Although many pundits credit this bizarre shift to lowered testosterone levels (which can play a role), emerging studies paint a very different picture.

The real problem is the proliferation and rampant abuse of pornography.

Because of the increased access to porn—and the increasingly intense and novel nature of today’s porn films—men are experiencing a virtual castration of their sex lives.

Porn is something psychologists refer to as “supernormal stimuli”. A fancy way of saying that porn is so stimulating, it rewires the neural pathways in your brain to make “normal” stimuli (like sex with a real woman) seem boring and banal.

With the click of a button, you have immediate access to millions of hours of porn designed to fulfill any fantasy you’ve ever had.

And the results have been catastrophic.

Numerous studies have correlated frequent porn use with depression, anxiety, sexual dysfunction, and lowered life satisfaction (d).

• 25 studies link porn use/sex addiction to sexual problems and lower arousal to sexual stimuli. The first 5 studies in the list demonstrate causation, as participants eliminated porn use and healed chronic sexual dysfunctions.
• Almost 60 studies link porn use to less sexual and relationship satisfaction.
• Over 20 studies reporting findings consistent with escalation of porn use (tolerance), habituation to porn, and even withdrawal symptoms
• 50 studies link porn use to poorer mental-emotional health & poorer cognitive outcome

Not only does porn put you in the position of a beta male (you’re getting off to another man’s pleasure instead of your own), but it actually conditions your brain and body to orgasm faster.

When most men watch porn, they quickly fire through a few videos, skipping to the most arousing scenes, and then finish in fewer than 10 minutes, if that. This trains your body to jump from arousal to orgasm in a matter of minutes instead of helping you control your arousal response, connect intimately with a lover and focus on presence.

And, if you’re serious about lasting longer and improving your sexual stamina, you need to cut porn’s toxic influence from your life.

For the next 30 days, I challenge you go on a porn fast. This is not a moralistic or ethical experiment—personally I don’t believe there’s anything inherently wrong with porn when used appropriately—but purely physiological. It’s designed to reveal the often unknown and unaddressed effects of prolonged porn use.

Unfollow all the scantily clad models who fill your Instagram feed. Install a website blocker on your devices and give the password to someone you trust. Get accountable to a friend and commit to spending 30 days without consuming pornography in any form.

Although you can and should try out a “nofap” experiment (30 days without porn or masturbation), I encourage you to slowly and focus on the bigger problem.

You can masturbate as often as you want but you cannot watch or fantasize about porn while doing it.

At the end of the 30 days, I promise, you’ll be amazed by how rapidly your sexual performance improves and how significantly your entire life changes when you aren’t spending 30-60 minutes a day shamefully watching other people do the dirty.

When it’s all said and done, porn serves no purpose in the life of a grounded man. It doesn’t improve your life, it doesn’t make you stronger, and it doesn’t make you happier. When used moderately with a partner to explore possible sexual desires, it can be a healthy. But let’s be honest, this is a rare exception to the rule and very few men are watching porn with their partner.

Significantly reduce porn use or cut it out of your life entirely and you’ll not only last longer, but be a better man for it.

3. Overcome Premature Ejaculation by OWNING it

 

I’m going to let tell you something you might not believe…

Women can actually get turned on when they make a man cum quickly.

If you’re a grounded man who knows how to handle the situation, they’ll see your “premature ejaculation” as a signal of their own beauty and performance and feel more confident about themselves because they made you lose control (women struggle with sexual anxiety too and like to know they’re highly desired and good lovers).

However, the key to working with PE lies in your response.

When most men orgasm quickly, they get embarrassed. They turn it into a big deal and allow their ego to ruin the interaction.

They’ll say things like:

“Ah! This NEVER happens” (a lie that every woman can see right through)

Or

“I don’t know what’s wrong with me…I’m so sorry”

They allow something that every man faces to turn them into weak, placating, beta males instead of using it as an opportunity to express their level of arousal for her in the moment.

If/when you know you’re going to cum before you’re ready, don’t hide it…own it.

You can either take control and tell her to stop, saying something like,

“Damn! You are so hot I’m not ready to cum but if we don’t stop for a second you’re going to make me lose control!”

And then go back to foreplay, kissing down her body, going down on her, or manually getting her off until you’ve calmed down and can go again.

Or, if you’re past the point of no return, say,

“Damn! You are so hot, you’re going to make me cum…I’ll make sure you finish too…more than once”

When you cum, immediately dispose of the condom (you are using protection right?), laugh, and then pick her up…throw her down on the bed and say, “I’m not through with you yet” and resume foreplay until she cums.

Take a break, hang out for a few minutes, and go again.

I promise, she won’t be upset or disappointed and will respect you more because of the way you handled a seemingly embarrassing situation.

On a side note, when you own your “lackluster” performance in this way, it makes her more receptive to having sex again later in the night, and it’s always easier to last longer in bed after you’ve already had sex.

If you get embarrassed, apologize or make it a big deal, she may feel weird about the situation and either leave or reject any later advances.

As always, staying grounded is your key to success.

4. Zen and the Art of Exceptional Sexual Performance and Lasting Longer in Bed

Sexual anxiety (and its byproduct of premature ejaculation) can only happen when you’re in your head.

When you’re focused on your performance, when you’re worrying if you’re big enough, lasting long enough, or fucking her the right way…failure, in the form of losing your erection or cumming too quickly, is inevitable.

Its a lot like martial arts.

When I first started training Brazilian jiu-jitsu in my early 20s I was horrible. I would regularly get tapped out by guys half my size often not because they were more technically skilled than me…but because I was caught in my head.

I was constantly thinking about the right move or the specific hold I needed to do and, as a result, would get choked out within seconds.

One day, my instructor pulled me aside and said “Andrew, if you’re in your head, you’re dead. You know what to do, so trust yourself.”

Or, as Obiwan put it, “Don’t think, feel”.

When I stopped focusing on my performance when I got out of my head and into the present moment…when I focused on the “present state” of the grapple and my opponent’s movements…my performance drastically improved (and I actually went on to win numerous competitions and medals).

It’s the same in the bedroom.

When you’re present…when you’re fully focused and engaged with your lover…the smell of her hair…the feeling of her skin pressed against yours…her moans and breaths as you penetrate her…your anxiety will dissipate and you can flow through the experience.

The next time you find yourself in your head…relax and breathe. Look at the woman you’re with, feel her pressed against you, get into your body and engage with the experience.

If you’re in your head, you’re dead. So get out of your head and into the moment.

(Note: if this is something you really struggle with I encourage you to pick up meditation or hypnotherapy to help you combat your anxiety. Sexual anxiety is a habit and if you’ve struggled with it for a long time, like any other bad habit, it will take time and effort to overcome it).

5. Tap into the Power of the Best “Sex Toy” for Mind-Blowing Sex (No…not like that).

The single most underrated skill a man can develop to become a mind blowing lover who women crave and can’t wait to experience again is something that seems obvious but is often overlooked.

Communication.

Since the time you were a little boy, you’ve been inundated with toxic social memes about what it means to be a good lover.

You’ve likely bought into the lie that you should always know what to do and exactly how to touch, lick, or penetrate a woman to give her toe curling orgasms.

But real sex doesn’t work like this.

Women are complicated. And their sexual preferences and appetites are as unique and multifaceted as they are.

Instead of acting like you “know it all” and assuming that what worked with previous lovers will work with your current partner.

Use your mouth.

Communicate. Cut through the bullshit and ask her exactly what she wants.

Simple things like:

“Does this feel good?”

“How do you want me to penetrate you?”

“Where do you want me to touch/lick you?”

Or my favorite…

“I’m not leaving this bed until I’ve made your body tremble with pleasure…what makes you cum uncontrollably?”

This will set you apart from the other men she’s experienced and help you know that you’re giving her exactly what she wants.

When you communicate with your partner and discover the exact positions, motions, and idiosyncrasies that get them off (e.g. some women want to be dominated, choked, and fucked hard while others prefer to be in control and enjoy a more sensual experience) you won’t have to sit in your head wondering if she’s having a good time.

It’s important to point out that communication isn’t a “one and done” thing either. What a woman wants will vary from day to day and even hour to hour.

I’ve known women who, in the heat of a sexual encounter would ask me to talk dirty to them about orgies, BDSM or even bringing another man into the bedroom. Then, seconds after the experience was over they’d laugh and say, “It’s funny, I don’t really want to do that…it just seemed so hot in the moment”.

The more you communicate with your partner the more effectively you can be the lover she wants and the more you can “train” her to become the lover you want.

Remember: the tongue is mightier than the “sword”.

II. How to Last Longer By Optimizing Your Health and Unleashing the Sexual Animal to Last Longer in Bed

Although your mindset and attitude toward sex is important, it is only one piece of the puzzle. To show up as the best lover possible and beat premature ejaculation for good, you must address the underlying physical causes of your problems and identify the ways in which our modern diet and lifestyle have undermined your sexual performance and satisfaction.

More often than not, premature ejaculation is only one of many symptoms indicative of a systematic problem with your overall health.

By taking action on the following recommendations (strap in, because we are diving deep), you’ll not only start lasting longer, but show up to life and your relationships with more energy, vitality, and strength than ever before.

1. You Can’t Be a Beast In the Sheets if You Aren’t…a Beast

I’m going to be blunt here.

Peak sexual performance…lasting for hours…maintaining strong erections…having the energy and stamina to please your lover…is not possible without peak physical performance.

If you’re lugging around an extra 30 lbs of body fat, get winded walking up the stairs, and have the view of your penis blocked by your beer gut it’s all but impossible to show up as the man and lover you want to be in the bedroom.

And I know this might not be politically correct to say, but it’s the truth.

If you aren’t in great shape physically, you will never reach the zenith of your sexual performance.

Just consider that studies have shown (e):

• Obesity can lower the frequency, strength, and duration of your erections.
• Obesity leads to lowered stamina and cardiovascular health, making it difficult to last longer in bed.
• Obesity can lower men’s self-image and lead to reduced confidence in the bedroom.
• Obesity can cause low testosterone (which leads to a lowered libido and lower quality of life)

Inversely, studies have also shown (f):

• Individuals who exercise regularly have been shown to experience a delay in age-related sexual decline
• Physically active people report greater levels of sexual arousal, activity, and satisfaction.
• Regular exercise improves heart rate, blood pressure, and breathing, allowing you to last longer and have improved sexual performance.

The solution, although elegantly simple, is not easy.

First, you must commit to moving your body and working up a sweat every single day. You don’t need to do a brutal CrossFit workout or hit the iron like Arnold seven days a week…but you should get outside and move for at least 20-minutes every day.

Personally, I recommend that you lift heavy weights three times a week (focusing primarily on the bench press, deadlift, squat, and overhead press), go for a brisk 30-minute walk or jog twice a week, and attend a 60-minute yoga class once a week.

Resistance training increases testosterone, improves blood flow, increases HGH, and will improve your overall health and drive as a man.

Regular cardio had been shown to confer similar benefits and will help you maintain peak cardiovascular health which is essential for lasting longer (e.g. you won’t get winded as quickly).

And a regular yoga practice will not only stretch and strengthen your pelvic floor (a topic on which we’ll do a deep dive later) but train you to be in control of your breath during intense exercise…an essential component of lasting longer.

If you want specific programs or regiments to follow, I recommend checking out, Bigger, Leaner, Stronger, Starting Strength, and Becoming a Supple Leopard.

In addition to frequent and intense exercise, you must also prioritize proper rest and recovery.

Studies have shown that chronic sleep deprivation can lead to a slew of symptoms and problems that wreak havoc on your sexual health including (g):

• Depression
• Low sex drive
• High blood pressure
• Stroke
• Diabetes

To help you get the most out of your sleep and recovery here are a few quick tips that have been proven to improve sleep quality:

• Set your thermostat to 65-67F
• Black out your room completely (if you can see your hand in front of your face, it’s too bright)
• Wake up at the same time everyday (your bedtime can vary your wake up time should not)
• Stop consuming caffeine after 1pm noon
• Stop eating 3 hours before bed
• Turn off all electronics 60 minutes before bed to avoid the melatonin suppressing effects of blue light
• Avoid alcohol and cannabis close to bedtime. These substances help you fall asleep faster but inhibit the most important sleep stages (deep and REM)

I’ll touch on dietary recommendations to help you last longer in just a minute but here are some extra tactics to help you improve your sexual stamina.

• Sit in the sauna for 20-minutes a day to sweat out toxins. There are countless benefits to acute heat exposure and this simple habit will improve your performance in every area of life.
• Avoid stimulants (like Adderall, nicotine, and caffeine): they’ve been shown to cause premature ejaculation and lowered sexual stamina
• Cut back on alcohol. It might be a social lubricant but it’s been shown to decrease the quality of your erections and increase the incidences of sexual dysfunction (h)
• Get at least 30-minutes of direct sun exposure each day especially in the morning.
• Practice “earthing” (standing in the grass or dirt barefoot) for 15-minutes a day. As woo woo as it sounds, numerous studies have found direct contact with the earth to confer dozens of health benefits (i).

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